You’re at a party with friends and then, BAM, comparing thoughts pop into your head. “She looks so good in that outfit, I could never pull that off.”
You’re doing a workout and see someone else has posted on Strava that their workout went really well and, BAM “ugh, they are in better shape than I am.”
You are eating a meal at a restaurant and you look over and see that someone down the table hasn’t eaten as much as you and, BAM “ugh. I am fat. I am eating so much more than everyone else.”
The comparison trap is as sneaky as it is ubiquitous. One moment you are able to be present in whatever it is that you are doing and then seemingly out of nowhere, you start to compare yourself to others around you.
Why do we compare? It would be easy for someone to say, “hey, you should stop comparing yourself to others,” but that would really do injustice to why we compare in the first place. Let’s look back at when you were 2 years old. You watched your caregiver take a drink from a cup. Then you try to take a drink from a cup. Now you are 6 years old. You watch your friend ride their bike down the street, so now you want to learn how ride your bike down the street. At 10 years old you see an athlete on television doing something incredible and you want to emulate it.
As humans, we are meant to compare to LEARN. However, somewhere along the way, the process becomes less about learning and more about finding fault in ourselves. We start to believe a little voice inside our heads that says that if someone is doing something we are not, they are BETTER than us. Or sometimes, we even try to bolster ourselves up by thinking we are better than others. Either way, comparison no longer serves the function of learning. It now serves the function of making us feel bad.
Breaking this pattern is challenging. It requires a lot more than “just stopping,” because if it were that easy, you would stop any time you feel negatively. Comparison is intertwined with our beings, but it does not have to make us feel so dejected. The first step is to notice we are doing it. Say it out loud to yourself. “I am comparing myself to ______.” The next step is to acknowledge the function this may serve (or not serve) for you. The more you can call it out, the more you can interrupt the process, and the more distance you can have from the negativity that ensues.
Curious to know more about how to do this with the support of therapy? Reach out and schedule a free consultation today.