“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, PhD., L.M.S.W.
Everything must be perfect. Everything must go according to a plan, a schedule, the rules. You must follow the rules in order to….what? Be loved? Be accepted? Be good enough? What are the driving forces behind your need for achieving the impossible: perfection? I get it. Oftentimes the fear is not that you will not succeed, the fear is that you will fail. That someone will be disappointed in you. That YOU will be disappointed in you. Have you ever gotten an A on a paper and thought, “well, I expected myself to do that,” and not accepted any acknowledgement for your hard work (at least not in the long run)? Have you nailed a presentation at work and then you immediately start thinking about the next task you need to do? That is perfectionism.
But here is the thing, perfectionism actually has SOME merits. Hear me out. If we look at the perfectionistic voice from the best possible light, it probably is a good motivator. It probably has pushed you to accomplish some amazing things. So we can honor that. But here’s the other thing, maybe that voice is a little too over-developed. We need to create a space for you to accept yourself as you truly are, while also acknowledging your drive. We can work to allow you to get a little messy, to accept love and praise and acceptance, all the while adhering to your values. Letting go of “perfect” is hard. It has served a purpose for you. But think of the relief you might feel if you don’t have to chase it all the time.